It started with this funny
picture. It was supposed to be a relaxed talk in the morning but he
incidentally ruined it by being so unbelievable (it’s kinda hard to put into
words). I gave him a silent treatment for sometime but he didn’t seem to pick
up the hints. I know he knew something was wrong, but he didn’t pry on enough
to really understand me, so I decided to get busy and just leave. But who am I
kidding? I am never that someone who would prefer a cold war instead of a hot-headed
fight. After minutes of silence, I pulled the trigger, “It’s your stubbornness.”
As I was waiting for the chat to
send, I realized something, he had changed his profile picture to his brother’s
three kids, not my photo anymore. From the very beginning, I had told him I wouldn’t
mind he replaces his profile picture on WhatsApp with something else. The kids
are aaaah-dorable! But the fact that he did that when we were in the middle of
a fight annoyed the hell out of me.
So after listening to him
defending himself about my it’s-your-stubbornness comment and ironic
thank-you-for-making-me-your-profile-picture-for-so-long, I asked him, “Is this
why you don’t want to get married? So that every time you have a problem with
your partner, you can easily escape it?” And by that, we were entering this
danger zone. He answered and I replied for five good minutes before it reached
the highest tension.
V: … You also said you’d push
away your stubbornness and now you’re holding on to that so tightly. Either I’m
delusional or this is really ‘a reverse day’. ;)
L: You don’t think I’m trying? I
can’t help it when I’m stubborn sometimes. I didn’t choose to be like this. I
am trying to change it.
V: Maybe you are trying. Maybe
you are not. I will never know. All I know, you told me my reaction wasn’t the
reason why you put off my picture, when everyone can easily tell that it is. So
maybe you are not always as honest as you said.
L: Thanks for not believing in
me. ;) This hurts me. I never lied to you about anything.
V: While we’re at this, wanna
know what else I find ironic? ;)
After three minutes of no reply,
and finally exiting WhatsApp, I wrote this, “No? Oh right! It’s Luis’ reversal
day. When you say yes, that means no. So when you disrespectfully exit WhatsApp
in the middle of our intense conversation, that means you are dying to hear
what I have to say. So I’ll just say this. I spent all morning waiting for you
to wake up, thinking, “Oh I’m so close to loving him.” Have a good day with
Cindy.”
It’s his reply that made my heart skipped a beat,
“I had to prepare quick because Cindy texted that she would be here in 5 mins.
Maybe you were right about the marriage thing. But it’s you don’t believe me
that’s hurting me. And yeah while you’re joking about reversal day, MAYBE I
HATE YOU. That’s why I am so mean to you.”
My knees went jelly, “What is the
reverse of ‘hate’?” To which he replied an hour later, “Maybe it’s love.” I
knew I had to turn off my phone to regain consciousness. Maybe it’s not what it
looks like, you know? I shouldn’t overreact. I broke the halt by texting him
another hour later, almost completely off-topic, “Sayang, ik heb jou ook gemist.” This translates to “Honey, I miss
you.” But he didn’t flinch at the distraction.
That day he declared his love to
me.
At a loss for words, I tried my best just to ignore his confession and was just happy for we now were talking with clearer minds and less bad-tempers. After another series of argument following this one-day fight, we tore down the walls we'd built and finally made up to each other. We closed the day with a five-minute phone call where he said he loves me for the very first time. Yes, he'd said it on text, but hearing him say that on the phone was all different: it made me feel as if I was struck by lightning. I hadn't say it back, but going to bed that night, I knew it wouldn't take long until I would be convinced that the feeling is mutual.
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