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| Last picture taken during his visit in March |
Today is exactly one month before the Batak/church engagement (and the mark of my last month of being 27). Borders are still closed for foreigners without KITAS, and Schengen countries no longer welcome Indonesian citizens without PR. With literally everything related to our wedding still all up in the air, people are wondering how I manage to not freak out.
I did. We gave our everything for 6 years before we finally received my parents' blessings. It took our last strand of hope, and effort, to not listen to those who did not believe in (long-term) long distance relationships. We've gotten this far, only to be faced with yet another hurdle right before our eyes. Of course I freaked out.
But one day I just came to realize that none of this is personal. This Covid-19 shit affects every single person on this mother earth - well, probably except for those living completely out of reach from the civilization. Granted it varies for everyone in forms, measures, and magnitude, but it's not like this pandemic was designed only to crush our dreams of getting married on our chosen day. How important are we, really, to think that millions of lives vanish just to continue keeping us apart?
From there on out, it has become crystal clear that worrying does not reduce a liter of this uncertainty we are forced to deal with. We can only wait and see. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst. And all the other messages you've read off those overpriced bumper stickers. I would much rather focus on controlling my feelings and learning to accept the fact that there's a strong likelihood we won't be able to get married on Aug 22, or this year at all.
It's not personal. So I am calm.
Also cause it hasn't happened.
For all we know at the end of the day my big mouth could be of no use whatsoever when the heart is too broken to believe a word coming out of that mouth.
Hope not.
