One thing about being in an interracial relationship is the cultural difference that comes within the package.
If you think it is limited to only pre-marital sex and usage of alcohol, you're dead wrong.
There is so much more to fight about than you could probably think of.
Here's the thing: we've hardly fought anymore since he's back in The Netherlands, I'm not sure why (not that we fought a lot before, but still, I can only recall two little explosions in the last month).
But just because we don't fight over the differenceS, doesn't mean I'm entirely happy seeing him needing to make so many adjustments just for being with me, you know?
Without saying, I know how he suffers to control his feelings and disappointments over many things (pre-marital sex and usage of alcohol have already been out of the picture since the very beginning cause we have found ways to stir the so-called 'biological needs' and he doesn't drink).
One of those things is the parental control which is closely related to the norms applied in our respective backgrounds.
He is used to having his own independence on where to go, what to do, and with whom he does all that; where it definitely is not the case with me.
My parents, like most Indonesian families, especially Bataknese ones, are very controlling.
And by controlling, I mean I literally have to tell them where I'd go, what I'd do, and with whom I'd do all of that.
They do not make me feel like a prisoner, of course, I know they do all that cause they love me so very dearly, and they only want the best for me.
Sadly, they do not realize their definition of 'best' is not very similar to my own.
If not very different.
Growing up, I've always been this open-minded person with such high tolerance towards people for what they are and what they do.
This doesn't necessarily make me one of them, but I no longer judge them the way most of the people I'm from do.
Adding that I'm a very positive person, it is safe to say I can almost always see good things in people, and to be honest those are where my focus lies on.
I'm flexible, but careful.
I may want things my parents don't or don't want things they do, but I have a set of ground rules that I believe is actually the base of what their rules are.
As free as my soul is, I still follow those rules and will never cross the line.
They, unfortunately, have yet to understand me that way.
In their eyes, everyday I become more and more leaning towards the 'wrong' side; off the rail.
Especially since I've been with him.
They absent-mindedly state it was him who changed me, when in reality this is the first time for me to be completely myself.
Being with Luis has let me reconfirm what my preferences are, not reshape them.
The reason why I'm writing this is because yesterday morning I had an argument with my mom, who has made up her mind to never let me go anywhere outside Jakarta with Luis on his upcoming visit, be it with friends or even with my siblings.
I just don't see why she has to care that much about what people think about me, about us.
I know she knows I will never do anything to harm myself (especially in 'that' department), so why should what people think matter to her?
This thing would never have happened, had the roles been reversed.
Since I don't keep things from Luis, I told him everything when he woke up.
He was upset, for sure, but the way he regained calmness and even proceeded to cheer me up always took me by surprise.
He always knows how to make me smile and sit back to relax and start working on whatever problems I'm or we're having.
He... gets me.
Maybe, yes, it started by me wanting to give me my all honesty that I just told him everything in the first place.
But soon enough, it became not just an obligation, but something I really love doing, cause when I talk to him about the problems, he really helps me overcoming it.
Why?
Because we think pretty much the same way.
Sorry for the long post, I just needed to share this realization of me being culturally different than my parents which, on occasions like this, really frustrates me.
But now that I've let everything out, I feel WAAAY better, and it's a nice thing to get the writing fuel pumping.
On to the fun stuffs!
PS: I decided to insert one picture in each post, so here it is, a holiday-themed picture that I wish were taken really in Bali, instead of just a Balinese statue in Jakarta.
I'm flexible, but careful.
I may want things my parents don't or don't want things they do, but I have a set of ground rules that I believe is actually the base of what their rules are.
As free as my soul is, I still follow those rules and will never cross the line.
They, unfortunately, have yet to understand me that way.
In their eyes, everyday I become more and more leaning towards the 'wrong' side; off the rail.
Especially since I've been with him.
They absent-mindedly state it was him who changed me, when in reality this is the first time for me to be completely myself.
Being with Luis has let me reconfirm what my preferences are, not reshape them.
The reason why I'm writing this is because yesterday morning I had an argument with my mom, who has made up her mind to never let me go anywhere outside Jakarta with Luis on his upcoming visit, be it with friends or even with my siblings.
I just don't see why she has to care that much about what people think about me, about us.
I know she knows I will never do anything to harm myself (especially in 'that' department), so why should what people think matter to her?
This thing would never have happened, had the roles been reversed.
Since I don't keep things from Luis, I told him everything when he woke up.
He was upset, for sure, but the way he regained calmness and even proceeded to cheer me up always took me by surprise.
He always knows how to make me smile and sit back to relax and start working on whatever problems I'm or we're having.
He... gets me.
Maybe, yes, it started by me wanting to give me my all honesty that I just told him everything in the first place.
But soon enough, it became not just an obligation, but something I really love doing, cause when I talk to him about the problems, he really helps me overcoming it.
Why?
Because we think pretty much the same way.
Sorry for the long post, I just needed to share this realization of me being culturally different than my parents which, on occasions like this, really frustrates me.
But now that I've let everything out, I feel WAAAY better, and it's a nice thing to get the writing fuel pumping.
On to the fun stuffs!
PS: I decided to insert one picture in each post, so here it is, a holiday-themed picture that I wish were taken really in Bali, instead of just a Balinese statue in Jakarta.
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| Credits: Zuleika Rega. Color enhancement with SnapSeed. |
